Writing about PTSD.

What I now understand to be PTSD as impacted every aspect of my life. Originally I had great difficulty understanding PTSD. Every description of PTSD symptoms seemed "normal" to me. The PTSD symptom described as "reduced life expectation" seemed odd to me.

For example I was surprised, lost (and possibly disappointed) when I lived past 40. I wasn't expecting that nor had I planned for it.  After all that had been my assumption about life as long as I remember.

Since I'm normal (isn't everyone) that must be normal as well. Right? Apparently not.

Contemplating a dream.

I've long dreamed of writing. Perhaps non-fiction, possibly allegorical fiction over straight fiction. Several people have encouraged me to write about my experiences. (I've my own prejudices about those who write about themselves to sort out before I try that!)

Don't know  if I will ever actually write a book but I've found something which might help. It's called FastPencil take a look at it. It's at least a (more or less) constructive way to spend  time. Who knows you might the next great American theological book!

Acknowledging PTSD

In 1986 I returned to the States after 4 years in Somalia. I have grieved that for 20+years. I only came back because I was ill. My first desire was to return to Africa. However events intervened. Part of  the PTSD diagnosis comes from the events Somalia which made it difficult for me to fit into US culture. I'm told combat veterans report the same issue. Although I'm uncomfortable  comparing my experience with theirs.

The guilt of not going back caused me to cut off contact with friends from that time. Well American and Dutch friends all but one of my Somali co-workers was killed in the civil war. Even though it raises my anxiety level I'm working to make contact with some of those friends. I'll even drag out the photos and try to connect names with faces and dredge some names up out of my memory.