I hate cancelling worship.

I hate cancelling worship. It seems irresponsible. There is a part of me which feels we should gather with God no matter the weather.

Still ice is no respecter of day so there will be no worship at my churches tomarrow.

The boys and I are at my wife's parsonage, about 85 miles from home. I called a parishoner about the weather. After several phone conversations it was decided to cancel worship for tomarrow.

Just upgraded to the latest Kubuntu linux. Managed to lose my passwords and mail. Would have sworn I backed those up. mutter mutter mutter

Considering going public.

This started as a safe place to vent. But how can you vent if no one is listening? But then I haven't posted much either. Now after two (not one but two) serious computer crashes I'm back. I actually had to Google search for my blog!

debating with one's self

Me, myself and I are in the midst of a long and intense debate. The core issue is whether to continue in the pastorate or leave. Complicating issues include supporting my family, sending my kids to school, my faith, depression, anxiety just to name a few.

The sad truth: I don't leap out of bed eager to get at the work. Honestly I'm not certain I've felt that way since I left Somalia 20 years ago. I don't like feeling this way. I feel I've let my family down, my God down, and myself down. I hate it.

This all could "simply" be the cumulative effects of the health issues I've faced over the last few years.

Sometimes I wonder.........

Came across this while surfing: http://www.cerias.purdue.edu/weblogs/pmeunier/policies-law/post-38/.

Basically a computer security person playing (more or less) good samaritan is arrested for discovering a vulnerable and reporting it to the site owner. The narrow-mindedness and foolishness of USC's behavior leaves me shaking my head.

Remember no good deed goes unpunished.

Peace
NTP

Warning: Stream of thought writing ahead.

Today, as certain days do, reminded me how poor I am in some areas of interpersonal communicaiton. Right now I look forward to retiring (when I can afford it in 30 to 40 years) moving out into the country and not dealing with people. It's just too damm hard.

I was reminded that I talk too freely, trust too much and think out loud far too often. It gets me in trouble every time. A good friend (my wife) gave me very good advice and a very clear assessment regarding certain strengths and (mostly) certain weaknesses. Good though her advice and assessment is I'd rather move into the hills or work in the refugee camps again.

Today I'm willing to admit I regret accepting God's call, at least in this manner. I suspect I'd be happier and serve better in a far different situation.

Thanks for letting me vent. Perhaps I'll have clearer insight tomarrow.